Lily Tomlin

"Reality is nothing but a collective hunch."

"No amount of money ever bought a second of time."

"I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody."

"The secret to success is to realize that it's all a game."

"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else."

"We are all in this together, by ourselves."

"The human spirit needs places where nature hasn't been re-engineered by man."

"I try to be cynical, but it all comes out cute."

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past."

"Don't be afraid to go a little mad. It's liberating."

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."

"I have always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."

"The gap between intention and execution is where most ideas die."

"Happiness is not about having what you want, but wanting what you have."

"Sometimes I wake up and think, 'How am I going to fill the void?'"

"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."

"What if there were no hypothetical situations?"

"I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework."

"As for the British overseeing our elections, I think that's good. They invented them."

"If I had known what it would be like to have it all, I might have been more careful what I wished for."

"Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity."

"I made my name on stage by not being able to speak and by going all over the place."

"The phone company handled billions of calls every day. They have to be excellent."

"All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."

"I am always amazed at how much credit I get for what is essentially a part of nature."

"I hope to maintain my wisdom, even if it contradicts everything I used to say."

"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending people."

"When you read about the lives of other people, interesting things have happened to them."

"Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?"