Conan O'Brien

"Gratitude transforms everything it touches."

"The only constant in life is change itself."

"Your sense of humor is a reflection of your resilience."

"If you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

"The real problem is we're all going to die, all right? But before that we're going to have a good time, I think."

"I'm Irish Catholic, which means I can drink and feel guilty at the same time."

"There's nothing wrong with being Irish or Catholic, but there's something funny about the combination."

"My weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order."

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

"All I really want in life is to be comfortable, make people laugh, and have a good beard."

"You can't make everybody happy. Might as well make yourself happy."

"The most important thing is the mission - to do good work and to make people happy."

"I never give advice unless someone asks me for it."

"Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies."

"I've always felt that the truth is like a lion; you don't have to defend it."

"Laughter is the best medicine, except when you have a compound fracture."

"The bigger your heart, the more you get hurt."

"Don't work for money; work for satisfaction and the money will follow."

"Life is unfair, and the sooner you accept that, the happier you'll be."

"I think what's important is to be nice to people in your life."

"Try not to think about your problems; think about your future instead."

"Believe in yourself when no one else does."

"If you're offending people, you're probably doing something right in comedy."

"The best thing about being me is that I get to write jokes for a living."

"Technology is supposed to make our lives easier, not harder."

"I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust people who like cats."

"Every time you turn on the TV, something is happening."

"I don't believe in giving up, even when things look impossible."

"The world needs more laughter and less judgment."