Eliot Rosewater

"You know what I wish?"

"You don't ever have to do anything ever again"

"This is true, this is kind, this is necessary, this is true"

"You know what the problem with getting old is?"

"Drink calmly and let the uproar rage on outside."

"Welcome to the machine."

"Any man who would break his oath would be a liar and a cheat."

"The government should be run by volunteers. There should be no politicians."

"I have this disease late in life. It's a very important disease. Practically nobody knows about it. It's quite serious. I have this disease called Trout Mask Replica."

"There is no why"

"Make your soul grow. Don't let it shrivel."

"Listen to this one...it's even more important than the one before"

"The most important thing I learned was that human beings are nothing but machines"

"Take a look at the world you live in"

"Listen to this one, baby"

"Take it easy, we're in a lovely spot."

"Wide load."

"Beware of the dog that does not bark."

"Any man who would break a man's toys has to answer to me."

"Take it easy, Billy."

"We are all Lucifer"

"Everything is nothing, and nothing is everything."

"You know what I say to people when I hear they're getting married? I say 'Congratulations on the success of your agony.'"