Garry Shandling

"Justice is what we call it when we win."

"Peace is just war that hasn't started yet."

"Nature is beautiful until you step on a bee."

"Health is a state of mind. A very depressed state of mind."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with better PR."

"Gratitude is appreciating what you have while resenting what you don't."

"Time flies when you're having fun, and crawls when you're not."

"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose, which is terrifying."

"Knowledge is power, but ignorance is bliss."

"Education is what remains after you've forgotten everything you learned."

"Hope is the thing with feathers that poops on your car."

"Courage is being scared and doing it anyway, or just being too dumb to notice."

"Change is the only constant, which is why I'm always confused."

"Family is where they have to let you in."

"Friendship is like a bank account. You take it for granted until you need it."

"Love is the greatest thing in the world, right after pizza."

"Life is too short for bad wine and worse people."

"I think the best thing about being alive is not knowing when you're going to die."

"Success is just failure that hasn't happened yet."

"The meaning of life is to find your meaning of life."

"I'm not saying I'm funny, but I've never made anyone angrier."

"The world would be better if more people listened to themselves."

"I think the problem with the world is that we think too much."

"Money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys the freedom to be unhappy."

"I believe in reincarnation, mostly because this life isn't working out."

"The best revenge is living well and being funny about it."

"I'm trying to be a better person, but it's exhausting."

"Authenticity is rare because most people are afraid of what they really are."

"Comedy is a defense mechanism against reality."

"I think we're all just doing the best we can with what we've got."