John Oliver

"Art is expression without the need for grammar, which explains a lot of modern art."

"Death is the only guarantee in life, which makes it simultaneously the most democratic and most terrifying thing."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with a better PR team."

"Gratitude is appreciating what you have, which is easier when you're not comparing yourself to everyone online."

"Creativity is connecting dots others don't see, then being told your idea is impractical."

"Solitude is underrated until you realize you're actually just lonely."

"Philosophy is asking big questions knowing you'll never get satisfying answers."

"Literature is traveling through someone else's mind, which is less exhausting than actual travel."

"Hope is a dangerous thing, mostly because it sets you up for disappointment with such optimism."

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans, often unpleasant plans."

"Wisdom is knowing what you don't know, which means truly wise people are extremely quiet."

"Happiness is fleeting, which is why it's important to laugh at inappropriate moments."

"Family is people who have to love you no matter what you do, which explains a lot of dysfunction."

"Relationships require compromise, which means everyone is equally unhappy."

"Motivation is a myth; what exists is desperation and deadlines."

"Inspiration strikes when you're doing something else entirely, never when you're actively seeking it."

"War is diplomacy that's failed, which is why diplomats should be paid significantly more."

"Knowledge is power, until someone smarter than you walks in the room."

"Democracy is like a cake - it's delicious, but if you leave it out too long, it gets moldy and inedible."

"The key to financial stability is understanding that money is just a tool, not a personality trait."

"We're all just trying to figure out this life thing while pretending we have it together."

"Procrastination is like credit card debt - fun now, painful later."

"The difference between a good joke and a bad one is that a good one makes you think while you're laughing."

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme - usually badly."

"Courage isn't the absence of fear; it's doing the right thing while absolutely terrified."

"Technology is amazing until it breaks, then it becomes your sworn enemy."

"Real friendship means someone will call you out on your nonsense while still loving you."

"The human capacity for self-deception is truly underrated."

"Education is the one investment that can never be taken away from you."

"Art is what happens when you stop worrying about being perfect and start being honest."