Johnny Carson

"Hope is a renewable resource if you know where to look."

"Philosophy is the art of asking better questions than the ones you started with."

"Health begins with the decision to take care of yourself."

"Justice delayed is not justice; it's just revenge dressed up."

"Power is most visible in how it treats the powerless."

"Literature gives voice to those history has silenced."

"War is what happens when diplomacy has already failed."

"Politics is the business of making compromises between people's dreams and reality."

"Faith is the willingness to move forward without all the answers."

"Death reminds us to make every moment count."

"Family teaches you lessons you can't learn anywhere else."

"Love is the only investment that grows through division."

"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time."

"Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful."

"If you want to get an audience, you've got to have them laughing at least every thirty seconds."

"Organized crime is just the dirty side of the sharp business practices of legitimate business."

"The only thing that separates us from animals is our ability to complain about how much we have to pay for our drinks."

"Anybody who tells you they read the entire Bible is a liar. Or they skipped the boring parts."

"I have made a wonderful discovery. I don't love anyone. It's very liberating."

"Success in broadcasting is the same as success in any business: you have to give the people what they want."

"The moment of enlightenment is usually when you realize you're wrong."

"Never, ever doubt that you are exactly what this world needs."

"I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.' Only kidding. Life is hard without that prize."

"Misery is the only company to which anyone is certain to be admitted."

"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious."

"I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe."

"The catfish doesn't fight fair because it doesn't have to."

"Democracy is just another word for the majority oppressing the minority."

"I know nothing about being a straight man. I'm not a straight man, and I've never played one on television."

"If you want to die alone, live only for yourself."