Jonathan Swift

"True happiness is of a retired nature."

"He knew that books do not stay in a library any more than a man stays in his grave."

"The reason why so few marriages are happy is, because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages."

"I am not of the opinion to forbid the drinking of a man's own urine; nature is not so unwise as we are."

"Money is the sinews of action."

"An absence of virtue and piety will never produce good fruit."

"Humor is a strength, not a weakness."

"One should as soon expect to hear the cracking of the pistol in the discharge of its contents."

"The most critical period in life is infancy and youth, when evil habits form."

"Surely a long life in the dark is better than a short one in the light."

"Pride is said to be the last vice the good man gets rid of."

"The public is wonderfully tolerant; it will forgive anything except genius."

"I have always made it a point never to make a book without leaving out the essential."

"In my life I have had several sweethearts, and I loved them all."

"The common fate of all things rare is to be cheated and abused by base hands."

"Understanding is a pale moon; it gives forth a cold and borrowed light."

"Complaint is the largest tribute heaven receives."

"A man may be born, but in order to be born he must first die, and in order to die he must first awake."

"The best doctors are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman."

"When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign, that all the dunces are in confederacy against him."

"Flattery is the food of fools."

"A kindness is never forgotten."

"The world is like a grand ball in which everyone wants to be seen."

"All brides are beautiful, but that is not entirely true."

"The true use of prayer is not to overcome God's reluctance, but to take hold of His highest willingness."

"The power of a lie is proportional to the truth it displaces."

"We have enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another."

"Ambition is but avarice on stilts and masked."

"The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."

"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."