Maris Crane

"I haven't left the apartment in three weeks, and frankly, the outside world sounds dreadfully overrated."

"My therapist says I have an unhealthy relationship with my mother. I say my therapist doesn't understand our special bond."

"People are so exhausting. I much prefer the company of my thoughts and a properly aged Bordeaux."

"Love is messy and inconvenient. I prefer things neat, orderly, and preferably at a distance."

"Success means having the resources to avoid most human interaction."

"The world would be a much better place if everyone just stayed in their own homes."

"Friendship requires effort. I've decided effort is overrated."

"Hope is what people cling to when they lack a proper trust fund."

"I find that most problems can be solved by simply not acknowledging them."

"Happiness is a warm apartment and a cold shoulder to the world."

"My mother says I'm too critical. She's wrong, of course."

"Change is something that happens to other people in less desirable zip codes."

"Education is wonderful, provided you never have to interact with other students."

"Knowledge is power, but power is best used to maintain distance from others."

"Time moves differently when you're avoiding social obligations."

"The truth is, most people simply aren't worth my time, and I'm at peace with that."

"Freedom means not having to attend parties or engage in small talk."

"I find nature acceptable only when viewed through a window with proper climate control."

"Art is wonderful because it doesn't require conversation."

"Science confirms what I've always known: people are dreadfully complicated."

"Music soothes the soul, especially when it drowns out the sound of neighbors."

"Faith in others is what naive people have. I prefer to have faith in my therapist's scheduling."

"Leadership means making decisions without consulting anyone else."

"Work is tolerable only when conducted from home with minimal human contact."

"Dreams are what occupy my mind while I'm avoiding reality."

"Humor is my defense mechanism against the horror of human connection."

"Beauty is appreciated best from a distance, preferably across a room."

"Death might be preferable to attending a casual dinner party."

"Perseverance in maintaining one's standards is all that truly matters."

"I'm grateful for everything, which is why I prefer to thank no one in person."