Maris Crane

"Creativity is expressing oneself without actually speaking to anyone."

"Justice should be served quickly and quietly, preferably by mail."

"Patience is a virtue I practice mostly while waiting for people to leave."

"Kindness is appreciated, but I prefer it at arm's length."

"My strength comes from my ability to endure solitude indefinitely."

"Fear keeps one cautious, and caution keeps one safe from disappointment."

"Power is having enough money to never have to see people if you don't wish to."

"Money isn't everything, but it does allow one to pay for excellent mental health care."

"Health is maintained through worry, introspection, and limited physical exertion."

"Adventure sounds dreadful. I prefer routine and predictability."

"Imagination allows me to envision scenarios where I never have to leave my apartment."

"Technology enables connection without actually having to connect with anyone."

"History repeats itself, which is why I learn nothing and remain unchanged."

"Philosophy is essentially me talking to myself, which is my preferred method of conversation."

"Literature is wonderful because books don't require you to make eye contact."

"Politics would be tolerable if one could vote remotely and never meet constituents."

"War between nations is tragic, but social conflict is absolutely catastrophic."

"Motivation comes from the threat of human interaction."

"Inspiration strikes me when I'm left completely alone."

"Relationships are complicated, which is why I prefer the company of my thoughts."

"My mother always said I was special. She was right, and also deeply wrong about everything else."

"I've decided that most people are fundamentally disappointing."

"Marriage sounds like a lovely way to have someone judge you constantly. No thank you."

"Depression and anxiety are just names for feeling things correctly about the world."

"I'm not antisocial, I'm selectively social. The selection is usually no one."

"Happiness requires lowering one's expectations. Mine are now at ground level."

"Success is measured in the number of social engagements one can avoid."

"The human condition is essentially a series of uncomfortable social situations."

"I find that being misunderstood is actually quite liberating."

"My therapist has a vacation next week. I'm considering canceling my own life."