Maris Crane

"Dreams are what people have when they lack my level of control."

"Humor is often the refuge of the intellectually inferior."

"Money is merely a tool for maintaining proper distance."

"Health is something one discusses only with specialists."

"Adventure is what happens when one abandons all sensibility."

"I have the imagination of a hermit—isolated and pristine."

"Patience is what I practice waiting for people to leave."

"Kindness is appreciated only when delivered through proper channels."

"I am the very definition of perseverance in refusing to participate."

"Gratitude should be expressed through absence and silence."

"Creativity flourishes in complete and utter isolation."

"Justice is irrelevant when one never leaves the apartment."

"Faith is for people who haven't discovered proper hand sanitizer."

"Leadership requires one to leave the house, which is impossible."

"Education should be conducted remotely, preferably alone."

"Hope is what the optimistic feel before reality disappoints them."

"My philosophy: fewer people, fewer germs, fewer problems."

"Literature is the only acceptable form of human interaction."

"Politics is simply another word for unnecessary conflict."

"I find most people have the sensibilities of furniture."

"My aesthetic sensibilities are simply too refined for ordinary life."

"Perseverance in my case means never opening the door."

"A perfect day is one where no one requires my attention."

"I've mastered the art of meaningful silence."

"The world would be perfect if populated entirely by me."

"Relationships are possible only if they can be conducted via letter."

"My immune system is stronger than my desire for companionship."

"I believe in living well, which means living alone."

"Success is measured by how effectively I've isolated myself."

"The truth about people: they're always in the way."