Professor Farnsworth

"Good news, everyone!"

"I'm going to build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers!"

"Why must I be surrounded by these incompetent fools?"

"To shreds, you say?"

"The key to a great relationship is communication, or so I've heard from my wives."

"Wernstrom!"

"I've decided to split my emotions between my work and my bottle of brandy."

"Science cannot move forward without heaps of corpses."

"I invented a leg-mail system, but it's not very efficient."

"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."

"My sandwich creator is the greatest invention of our time!"

"Who is this 'Melllvar' fellow, and why is he so obsessed with television?"

"I used to be a spry young man, before the robot uprising."

"A man's life is measured by the enemies he makes."

"I'm old and I don't understand things anymore."

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, especially if it's a robot stomach."

"Freedom is the freedom to obey!"

"My life as a 160-year-old man has been quite eventful."

"I have three rules: one, never kill a human unless you're paid to, two, always accept a job, three, never work for Bender."

"Success comes to those who work hardest, or in my case, those who avoid work entirely."

"I'm not a robot, I'm a man!"

"The universe is a dark and uncaring place, but we must persevere."

"Friendship is the best treasure in all the worlds."

"I have built a machine that can turn any object into diamonds."

"Time is the one thing we cannot buy, no matter how rich we are."

"The truth is often hidden in plain sight, much like my reading glasses."

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but action despite it."

"Change is inevitable, especially as one ages."

"Education is the most powerful weapon against ignorance."

"Knowledge is power, but power corrupts absolutely."