Red Skelton

"The government doesn't really care about you."

"I'm paying so much in taxes, I don't know if I'm supposed to be an American or a financial plan."

"Laughter is the best medicine, but if you laugh for no reason, you're insane."

"If you want to get ahead, you have to stay focused on your goals."

"The wages of sin are death, but you get to live while you're sinning."

"I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while."

"Life is a journey, not a destination."

"The funniest thing about life is that it happens when you're busy making other plans."

"I wouldn't say I was afraid of death, but I'm not looking forward to it."

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs."

"The most important thing is to enjoy your life."

"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."

"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."

"I've always believed in the motto: work hard, play hard."

"The secret to staying young is to lie about your age."

"Friendship is the most important thing in life."

"Love is patient, love is kind, love is complicated."

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal."

"The only way to do great work is to love what you do."

"In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take."

"Life is too short to be serious all the time."

"I believe that everything happens for a reason."

"The greatest gift you can give someone is your time."

"Music is the universal language of mankind."

"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."

"Nature is the best medicine."

"Knowledge is power, but enthusiasm pulls the switch."

"Education is the foundation of success."

"Peace begins with a smile."

"Freedom is not free; it's earned through sacrifice."