The Narrator

"It was a nice day. All the days had been nice days. There had been rather more than seven of them so far, and rain hadn't been invented yet."

"The nice thing about working for a demon is that you get to spend a lot of time managing expectations."

"An Arrangement was made. It was the sort of arrangement that would never be written down, because it was impossible."

"It is often better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness, but it's against the rules."

"He was a demon who had never been entirely comfortable with his job."

"Aziraphale had always been slightly uncomfortable with holy water."

"The thing about demons is that they're not very good at being bad."

"Good Omens was not written as a prophecy. It was written to describe a very long con."

"There's no such thing as a good war. War is a bad thing. This is a good war, though."

"If you have to ask if something is evil, it probably is."

"An angel could drive a BMW and not be sinful, because it was a way of achieving a practical aim efficiently."

"Crowley had been a demon for thousands of years, and had never gotten used to the modern world."

"Heaven is what you want. Hell is what you get."

"A demon's greatest weakness is his own nature."

"The bookshop was heaven. Which was ironic, considering who ran it."

"Humans are very adaptable creatures. They can get used to anything."

"Angels are very good at saving people. Demons are very good at tempting them. Humans are very good at disappointing everyone."

"You can't trust either Heaven or Hell. They both want the same thing: your soul."

"War is Hell. Which is why Hell likes it so much."

"A prophecy is like a promise. Except no one has to keep it."

"Aziraphale loved humanity. Which was lucky, because he had to share the planet with them."

"If God created the world in six days and rested on the seventh, demons spend all eight working."

"Heaven is not the place of justice. Hell is not the place of punishment. Earth is the place where things happen."

"The problem with humanity is that they keep trying to be better than they are."

"A demon and an angel in a bookshop is not the Apocalypse. It's just Tuesday."

"Good and evil are not opposites. They're just different ways of doing things."

"The Antichrist was not what anyone expected. Which was exactly the point."

"Crowley loved flowers. Which was surprising, because demons don't usually like anything."

"Heaven is bureaucratic. Hell is efficient. Earth is just confused."

"A demon's job is to tempt humans. Most of them need very little help."