The Narrator

"An angel is someone who does good things. A demon is someone who does bad things. A human is someone who does both."

"You can't stop the Apocalypse. You can only delay it."

"The greatest trick the demon ever played was convincing humans that they could be good."

"It is often better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness, but it is even better to make absolutely sure you are not lighting the flamethrower in a confined space with a tendency to explosions."

"An angel who did not so much fall as saunter vaguely downwards."

"Crowley had always believed in the personal touch."

"You can't trust atoms. They make up everything."

"It was a fine day for walking in the park, if you liked parks, and walking, and days."

"Heaven has a lot in common with a very well-organized, fully-functional, and completely humorless bureaucracy."

"There is in fact a considerable amount of money sloshing around the world that does not belong to anyone."

"Evil does not wear a top hat and a monocle. It wears a suit from a good tailor and speaks in reasonable tones."

"It is a curious thing that civilizations advance, but their laws of physics tend to remain the same."

"A demon can be quite pleasant company as long as you don't ask him about the future of the human race."

"There are some things that even an angel and a demon cannot fix, no matter how well they work together."

"War is Hell, and Hell is where you will find the best-organized logistics system in existence."

"The problem with being a supernatural being is that you have to remember to act like you're not."

"Friendship is a more powerful force than either Heaven or Hell gives it credit for."

"The greatest love story ever told might be between two people who were never meant to meet."

"Hell is a very efficient organization, which is rather disappointing when you think about it."

"There is a thin line between genius and madness, and it is guarded by a very tired angel."

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme, and usually off-key."

"The human capacity for self-deception is truly remarkable and entirely necessary."

"Patience is a virtue that Hell does not practice and Heaven overestimates."

"Fear is the mind killer, or so they say, but it's really just the mind's way of caring."

"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."

"Music is the language that the Universe speaks when it thinks no one is listening."

"Creativity is the only true rebellion in a world determined to make everything predictable."

"I'm not entirely sure what the book is about, but I think it involves angels and demons"

"A demon and an angel walk into a bookshop..."

"The universe doesn't care about the Apocalypse"