Zoidberg

"I practice kindness knowing I may never receive it."

"My strength is measured only in my continued survival."

"Fear is the one thing I understand completely."

"Power is a concept meaningless to those powerless."

"Money would solve nothing, but I accept donations anyway."

"My health is a work in progress that will never progress."

"Adventure calls, but I prefer to answer with silence."

"I imagine a better life daily, though imagination changes nothing."

"Technology advances while I remain stagnant."

"History repeats itself, and I repeat my mistakes."

"Philosophy provides no comfort to the philosophically troubled."

"Literature suggests life has meaning. It does not."

"I accept that motivation and I shall never meet."

"What could possibly inspire hope in someone like me?"

"My relationships are monuments to my fundamental inadequacy."

"In solitude, at least, I cannot disappoint anyone."

"Why must I be a monster all the time? Why can't I just enjoy a tasty meal without guilt?"

"I'm doomed to wander the Earth, unloved and unappreciated."

"The key to a happy life is eating well and not thinking too hard."

"Wisdom is knowing when to fight and when to run away screaming."

"Success means having enough slime to coat your dwelling comfortably."

"A friend is someone who doesn't immediately flee in terror upon meeting you."

"My family never understood me, but I forgive them for being ignorant."

"There's always hope, even when you have seventeen stomachs and no one likes you."

"Courage is doing things despite being universally despised."

"Change is inevitable, like molting during mating season."

"Education is wasted on those who are already perfect specimens like myself."

"Knowledge without experience is just words in a tentacle."

"Time flies when you're having fun, or when you're being attacked."

"The truth is often disappointing, much like my love life."