I told my husband 'You're always pushing me around and getti... - Phyllis Diller

"I told my husband 'You're always pushing me around and getting violent, so I'm leaving you.' 'Good,' he said, 'Get my pipe and slippers.'"

Phyllis Diller Humor

Stand-up Comedian American 1917–2012

More from Phyllis Diller

"A smile is a facelift that's in everyone's price range."

"I wanted my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Now I'm broke."

"Housework can't kill you, but why take the chance?"

"Old age ain't no place for sissies."

"Never underestimate the power of a good laugh."

"Laughter is the best medicine."

"A good laugh is the best medicine."

"Laughter is contagious and wonderful."