I wanted to marry a person who was as wonderful as my mother... - Phyllis Diller

"I wanted to marry a person who was as wonderful as my mother, but I ended up marrying three times instead."

Phyllis Diller Love

Stand-up Comedian American 1917–2012

More from Phyllis Diller

"A smile is a facelift that's in everyone's price range."

"I wanted my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Now I'm broke."

"Housework can't kill you, but why take the chance?"

"Old age ain't no place for sissies."

"I love my wife, but sometimes she drives me crazy."

"Love conquers all obstacles."

"Love is patient, love is kind."

"I'm not stupid, I'm just in love!"