Cheers

"You want to know the secret to friendship? Show up, do your job, and tell interesting stories at the bar."

"Success isn't about money, it's about having the respect of your fellow mail carriers."

"I once dated a woman who didn't appreciate my vast knowledge of postal regulations. That's when I learned about love."

"The key to happiness is understanding that every letter I deliver is someone's happiness in an envelope."

"You know, Norm, I've been thinking about life, and I've come to realize that the mailman sees all."

"It's a little known fact that the Library of Congress has a section devoted entirely to my postal route observations."

"I maintain my standards because they're the only reliable thing in this chaos."

"Vulnerability is weakness dressed up in therapeutic language."

"The truth is often cruel, which is the only reason I tell it."

"Humor is the defense mechanism of the intellectually superior."

"I don't hold grudges; I simply remember infractions permanently."

"The average person's idea of freedom is simply the freedom to fail differently."

"Success means having fewer people I'm obligated to interact with."

"True friendship requires absolute honesty, which is why I have none."

"I find human behavior simultaneously predictable and disappointing."

"The pursuit of happiness is fundamentally self-defeating."

"Life is a series of disappointments punctuated by brief moments of satisfaction."

"Most people mistake intelligence for wisdom, which is their loss."

"Perseverance is admirable only when applied to worthwhile pursuits."

"Faith is the last refuge of those without evidence."

"The concept of a soulmate is propaganda for the romantically deluded."

"I don't need to be understood; I need to be obeyed."

"Courage without intelligence is simply recklessness."

"The capacity for self-awareness in others is depressingly limited."

"Literature separates the cultured from the illiterate masses."

"I would rather be feared than liked, and preferably both."

"Nature is beautiful precisely because it's entirely indifferent to human suffering."

"Peace is simply the absence of conflict, not the presence of anything good."

"Death is the only honest thing in a fundamentally dishonest world."

"Money is simply the quantification of one's own worth."