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"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy acknowledgment of your worth."

"Power corrupts, but I'd probably handle it better than most."

"Fear is just an emotion for people without a backup plan."

"Strength isn't about muscles, it's about maintaining superiority."

"Kindness is good, but being right is better."

"Patience is waiting for people to catch up to you mentally."

"Justice is what happens when the smart people get their way."

"Creativity is intelligence having fun, which is why I'm always entertained."

"Gratitude is acknowledging that someone else did something right."

"Perseverance is stubbornness with better PR."

"Death is probably the only thing that would finally make me popular."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but mine's better calibrated."

"Dreams are just your brain's way of showing off."

"Work is what you do until you become important enough not to."

"Leadership is convincing others that your ideas were theirs all along."

"Music is the soundtrack to feeling superior about your taste."

"Science explains the world, but humor helps you survive it."

"Art is subjective, which is why mine is objectively better than yours."

"Peace is what you get when everyone agrees that you're right."

"Freedom is just another word for no supervision."

"I believe in the power of the well-timed comeback."

"Hope is what keeps you going when intelligence fails."

"Family is the people you can't escape, no matter how smart you are."

"The truth is often disappointing, so I prefer creative interpretations."

"Time flies when you're having fun, which means school must be stopping time."

"Love is complicated, which is why I prefer to keep things simple."

"Education is the only tool sharper than sarcasm."

"Real courage is admitting when you're wrong, even if you rarely are."

"Change is inevitable, but that doesn't mean you have to like it."

"The pursuit of happiness is really just the pursuit of not being bored."