Humor Quotes

"How not to be seen: the first rule is don't be seen."

"Dead parrot? This is an ex-parrot."

"We wants the redhead."

"Nudge nudge, know what I mean?"

"My name is Ralph and I am a Lorry."

"This is a dead ant."

"Is there someone else up there we could talk to?"

"No reputable witch would own a newt."

"I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King!"

"We want... a shrubbery!"

"What kind of talk is that? You're potty."

"You're a hopeless case, you are."

"You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring!"

"We're all doomed! Absolutely doomed!"

"This is madness!"

"We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

"I fart in your general direction!"

"Let's go somewhere else, this conversation is getting silly."

"The world needs more laughter and less seriousness."

"Come back and we can insult each other some more."

"I think the best comedy comes from a place of honesty and vulnerability, not from trying to hurt people."

"The best comedy punches up, not down."

"The truth is funnier than anything you could make up."

"I'm not a real heavy drinker, I can go for hours without touching a drop."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"The secret to youth is good genes or good lying."

"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious."

"Laughter is the best medicine, except when you're laughing at your own problems."

"I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm allergic to boredom."

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."