Brian Griffin

"Books are friends that never disappoint you, unlike people."

"Tomorrow is always a better day to start fresh."

"Being yourself is overrated; being someone else is more fun."

"A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory."

"The best parties are the ones you can barely remember."

"Success is measured not in money, but in quality of martinis."

"Friends are the family you choose to disappoint."

"Family is complicated, like quantum physics, but worse."

"Every ending is just another beginning in disguise."

"The worst prison is the one you build in your own mind."

"Animals understand things about life humans never will."

"All art is subjective, like my life choices."

"The universe is infinitely complex, and so is getting drunk responsibly."

"Jazz is proof that some things are meant to be improvised."

"Believing in yourself is the first step to believing in anything."

"A real leader admits when he's out of his depth."

"Work is just a way to afford your real passion: drinking."

"Dreams are where logic goes to die."

"Laughter is the best medicine, and the cheapest."

"True beauty reveals itself to those who are patient."

"We're all temporary, so why not have fun while we're here?"

"Giving up is easy; persisting is what separates the smart from the stupid."

"Being grateful means acknowledging what you have before it's gone."

"Creation requires chaos, much like my life."

"Justice without mercy is just revenge."

"Patience is what separates the wise from the impatient drunk."

"Small acts of kindness create ripples that change the world."

"True strength is admitting you need help."

"Fear is just excitement without the breath."

"The only true power is the power to choose your own path."