Carl Carlson

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals."

"I'm normally not a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!"

"You know, the three things I enjoy most are going out with friends, enjoying some food and drinks, and watching TV."

"Sometimes I think about dying. It's not so bad."

"I'm not a lazy man, I'm just energy efficient."

"All this technology is making us antisocial."

"A job is just something that gets in the way of TV."

"You know what's great about friendship? You don't have to plan ahead."

"Family comes first, especially during the holidays."

"I've learned that money isn't everything, but it sure helps buy things."

"The greatest thing in life is sharing it with good friends."

"You can't buy happiness, but you can buy beer, which is pretty close."

"Success is just showing up to work and trying not to get fired."

"Love is patient, love is kind, and love makes you do crazy things."

"Change is scary, but staying the same is scarier."

"Education is important, but it's also boring sometimes."

"Knowledge is power, but it's also a lot of work."

"Time flies when you're having fun, and crawls when you're working."

"The truth is, I don't always know what I'm doing."

"Freedom is being able to do what you want without consequences."

"Peace is what you get when everyone stops bothering you."

"Nature is pretty cool, I guess."

"I don't understand art, but I know it when I see it."

"Science is neat, but complicated."

"Music makes life better, even bad music."

"I'm not a spiritual guy, but I believe in being nice."

"A good leader knows when to follow."

"Work is what you do to pay for the things you want."

"Everyone has dreams, mine just involve more naps."

"Laughter is the best medicine, unless you're actually sick."