Carla Tortelli

"Power comes from knowing exactly what people want and making them work for it."

"Work is what you do to survive the people you have to deal with."

"Hope is just disappointment waiting to happen, but it's still worth having."

"Motivation is easier when you have something to complain about afterward."

"Inspiration hits when you least expect it, usually when you're already annoyed."

"Solitude is underrated, especially when it means being away from everyone else."

"If you're looking for true love, you're looking in the wrong bar."

"Education teaches you facts, but experience teaches you how to dodge them."

"Music is nice, but not as nice as the sound of someone admitting they were wrong."

"Faith is believing in something you can't see, like my faith that you'll tip decently."

"Leadership is just bossing people around with the right attitude."

"Every scar tells a story, and mine all involve some idiot doing something stupid."

"Death is probably the only thing that will finally give me some peace and quiet."

"Technology is great until it means people have more ways to bother me."

"History repeats itself, which means I'll probably keep dealing with the same jerks."

"Philosophy is just overthinking life while nursing a drink."

"Literature is nice if you have time to read, which I don't."

"Politics and religion—never discuss them, especially in a bar I have to work at."

"War between people is avoidable; war between you and your mirror is not."

"Life lessons come from mistakes, and I've made enough for three lifetimes."

"Love at first sight is usually just lust at first drink."

"Wisdom is knowing when to speak and when to just let people be idiots."

"Happiness is a choice, and I choose it when people aren't annoying me."

"Success means having enough money to tell people no."

"Friendship requires tolerating someone's stupidity on a regular basis."

"Family will hurt you in ways only family can, then expect forgiveness."

"Hope is what keeps you coming back here night after night."

"Courage is standing up to the people who think they're better than you."

"Change is the only constant, except for human stupidity."

"Education is wasted on people who refuse to learn from their mistakes."