Don Rickles

"I'm an equal opportunity offender."

"Life is too short to be serious all the time."

"If you don't have something nice to say, come sit next to me."

"I don't believe in dying. It's been done."

"You know what your problem is? It's you."

"Success is like beauty - it's in the eye of the beholder."

"The only thing that matters is how you treat people."

"I've been married for years, and I still don't understand women."

"Hard work is the key to success, but persistence is the lock."

"Family is everything, even when they drive you crazy."

"You have to laugh at yourself before anyone else does."

"Love is patient, except when you're waiting for the check."

"The greatest gift you can give is your time."

"Courage is not the absence of fear, it's the ability to laugh at it."

"Change is inevitable, so you might as well enjoy the ride."

"Education opens doors, but sarcasm opens conversations."

"Knowledge is power, but humor is a superpower."

"Peace comes from within, usually after a good joke."

"Art is subjective, like comedy."

"Music is the language of the soul, but comedy is the language of survival."

"Faith is believing in things you can't see, like people's good intentions."

"Leadership means making people laugh while getting things done."

"Work is what you do for money, but humor is what you do for free."

"Dreams are great, but reality with a punchline is better."

"Beauty fades, but wit is forever."

"Power isn't about being the loudest, it's about making people listen."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy funny stories."

"Health is wealth, so laugh until your sides hurt."

"Adventure starts with saying yes to something ridiculous."

"Imagination is the only limit to what you can accomplish."