Don Rickles

"History repeats itself, usually with the same terrible jokes."

"Philosophy is just asking questions until everyone leaves."

"Literature teaches us about life; comedy teaches us how to survive it."

"Motivation comes from within, motivation comes from my agent."

"Inspiration hits when you least expect it, usually during a bad moment."

"Solitude is nice, but good company is better."

"Gratitude means saying thank you even to people who don't deserve it."

"Creativity is intelligence having fun."

"Justice is supposed to be blind, but it should have a sense of humor."

"Patience is a virtue, but impatience gets things done."

"Strength comes from knowing your weaknesses and joking about them."

"Fear is just the prelude to a great comeback."

"Don't take life too seriously; nobody gets out alive anyway."

"The best revenge is living well and being funny about it."

"Happiness is a choice, usually the funny one."

"Truth might hurt, but a joke heals."

"Freedom means being able to say what you really think."

"Nature is beautiful, but so is air conditioning."

"Science explains the world, but comedy explains people."

"Technology changes everything except human nature."

"War is terrible, but at least it gives comedians material."

"Politics is a joke, and I should know."

"Hope is what keeps you going when everything else fails."

"Death is the only thing guaranteed in life, besides taxes and bad timing."

"Love and marriage are like a deck of cards - start with two hearts and a diamond."

"Friendship is finding someone who laughs at your jokes."

"Life is like a box of chocolates, mine's usually empty."

"Success is waking up in the morning and not owing anyone money."

"Wisdom is knowing when to keep your mouth shut, which isn't my problem."

"The secret to happiness is low expectations."