Don Rickles

"You're like a broken record, except records eventually stop playing."

"The secret to confidence is just faking it until you make it. Then never stopping the act."

"I respect a lot of people. You're definitely on my list. My 'to watch' list."

"Your dreams are bigger than your brain. Which is impressive, given the odds."

"Real beauty is doing the right thing when nobody's looking."

"You've got to earn your stripes. You look like you bought yours at a thrift store."

"The worst time to be quiet is when everyone expects you to be."

"I've seen people overcome worse. But they had the sense to try."

"Your personality's like a black hole. It just pulls everything negative toward it."

"Life teaches you lessons every day. You must be absent a lot."

"The truth will set you free. Lies will get you a TV series."

"You're not the worst person I've met. But you're trying really hard."

"Success is 99% hard work and 1% luck. You haven't found either yet."

"Your life's a tragedy written in the margins of someone else's book."

"I say these things because I care. If I didn't, I'd just ignore you."

"You've got to have something to offer the world. What's your something? Caution?"

"The world needs more people like you. Specifically, fewer of you."

"Real friends tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear."

"Your brain's working overtime. Overtime being key, since the regular shift ended long ago."

"I've met smarter walls. And they don't talk back."

"The greatest teacher is failure. You must be getting a PhD."

"You know what the problem is? People take themselves too seriously. Life's too short for that nonsense."

"I tell it like it is. Some people don't like it, but at least they know where they stand with me."

"The best thing about getting older is you stop caring what people think about you."

"Comedy is about finding the truth in people and holding up a mirror to it."

"Don't wait for permission to be yourself. Just do it."

"Success isn't about being liked by everyone. It's about being honest about who you are."

"Family is everything, even when they drive you absolutely crazy."

"You gotta have thick skin in this business. Not everyone will get your jokes."

"I never apologize for speaking my mind. That's the deal."