Fred Allen

"The measure of a man is what he does with power."

"We are in a state of complexity, constantly trying to find our way through the maze of modern living."

"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's business."

"The best of friends must part. So will it not be best that I part from him while he still cares for me."

"Civilization is a disease and I'll give myself up to it with grace."

"A lot of people wonder how you know if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this one question: 'Would I shave my legs for this person?'"

"The man with a new idea is a crank unless and until the idea succeeds."

"I feel that 99 percent of science fiction is absolute rubbish, and the same can be said of 99 percent of detective novels."

"Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."

"Polish off your head and brighten your wits."

"What the American public wants is a villain they can take seriously."

"It is reported that when you are in the last-named phase of drunkenness, you see snakes. When you are in the last round, you see double."

"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."

"The race is not won by the swift but by the one who keeps running."

"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."

"You have to have hope. Hope is the most powerful tool we have."

"Never use a big word when a diminutive one will do."

"I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully."

"You must have the courage of your convictions."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can rent it for a while."

"The best things in life are not things."

"Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."

"I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do."

"I'd rather be a live dog than a dead lion."

"The real problem is that nobody reads anymore. Everybody wants to be a writer."

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

"The worst of all diseases is a closed mind."

"Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to manage it."

"We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by drowning in our thoughts."