Mark Twain

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear."

"The secret of progress is the replacement of one nuisance with another."

"The old man didn't believe in germs, and he lived to be eighty-something."

"Thunder is an impressive thing, but lightning does the work."

"I was born honest, but I had to work hard to stay that way."

"Watermelon rinds must contain some of the same properties found in water."

"The jury system puts a ban upon intelligence."

"Principles have no real force except when one is well fed."

"The golden rule is that there are no golden rules."

"Let us be thankful for the things that frighten us, they keep us awake."

"Tradition is the illusion of permanence."

"A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when it at last comes."

"I have seen a good deal of the world and am thankful for it."

"None of us can be as good as we want to be, nor as bad as we fear we might be."

"War is a crime. Ask the dead."

"I think I can say with pride that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world."

"The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way."

"Better to keep your mouth shut and appear foolish than open it and remove all doubt."

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very' and your writing will be just as it should be."

"Only the dead have seen the end of war."

"Let us consider that we are all partially insane."

"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born."

"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."

"The way to begin reading a book is to begin it."

"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship."

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

"The smallest wound of conscience is worth more than all the riches in the world."

"We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it."

"I have never read any of the political economies, nor did the colonel ever mention them."

"When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear."