Pierce Hawthorne

"You know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in Paris? A Royale with Cheese. Wait, wrong guy."

"I'm going to create a foundation that feeds starving children, just not in my neighborhood."

"Dreamers often make the best friends because they believe in you even when you don't believe in yourself."

"Age is just a number, but mine is a really impressive one."

"The secret to success is knowing when to say yes and when to say 'that's not my problem.'"

"I've learned that true friendship means someone will bail you out of jail at 3 AM."

"Life is too short to spend it with people who don't appreciate your finer qualities."

"Love is what happens when your portfolio is diversified enough."

"The brave don't ask for permission; they ask for forgiveness later."

"I once invested in a company that made left-handed scissors. I made millions."

"Change is inevitable, but profit is optional."

"Education is important, but connections are everything."

"Knowledge is power, but money is more power."

"Time is money, and I'm rich in both."

"The truth is relative, especially on tax forms."

"Freedom is the right to do what you want, as long as it benefits you."

"Peace comes from getting your way."

"Nature is beautiful, but air conditioning is better."

"Art is an investment vehicle with emotional appeal."

"Science explains the world; money controls it."

"Music is the universal language of people with good taste."

"Faith is admirable, but a prenup is practical."

"Leadership is getting others to do what you want."

"Work is where you spend most of your life, so you might as well be in charge."

"Dreams are what poor people have instead of retirement plans."

"Humor is how the rich deal with the poor."

"Beauty fades, but money is eternal."

"Death is the one thing you can't negotiate."

"Perseverance is what separates winners from quitters."

"Gratitude is fine, but a gift card is better."