Roz Doyle

"I've learned that the secret to success is showing up on time and keeping your mouth shut."

"Patience is what you have when you're too tired to be angry."

"Friends are like bad habits - they stick around whether you want them to or not."

"Don't waste your time trying to impress people. They're not paying attention anyway."

"The truth is overrated. A good lie is much more practical."

"I've seen enough in this lifetime to know that hope is a luxury most can't afford."

"Courage is just fear that's too tired to run away."

"Education is nice, but experience is what really teaches you lessons."

"Knowledge is power, but keeping your mouth shut is wisdom."

"The only constant in life is disappointment. Get used to it."

"Love is just lust with commitment issues."

"A happy person is usually just one who hasn't realized what's coming."

"I've been in this business long enough to know that everybody's got secrets."

"Family is the people you're stuck with, whether you like them or not."

"The best dreams are the ones you forget when you wake up."

"Humor is how we cope with the fact that everything falls apart eventually."

"Death is just retirement from life - and trust me, it's well-deserved."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with a better PR agent."

"Be grateful for what you have, because it could always be worse. And usually is."

"Creativity is what happens when you're too stubborn to give up."

"Justice is what the powerful say it is. Everyone else just has to deal with it."

"Kindness is great, but a little meanness keeps people on their toes."

"Strength isn't about muscles - it's about knowing when to just walk away."

"Fear is the only honest emotion. Everything else is just pretending."

"Power corrupts, but it's so much fun while you're being corrupted."

"Health is important, but not as important as a good scotch."

"Adventure is just another word for trouble you haven't regretted yet."

"Imagination is what kids have before reality ruins them."

"Technology ruins everything it touches."

"History is what happens when nobody's paying attention."