"I once had hope, and it ruined everything."
Hope
"I'm not a loser, I'm just surrounded by them."
Life
"That's what I love about these people - they're so stupid."
Humor
"I don't need friends, they're expensive."
Money
"Art isn't about making money, it's about making a statement... and I need the money."
Art
"The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time."
Music
"I have no soul."
Faith
"Why must every eleven minutes of my life be filled with misery?"
Time
"I'm not insane, I'm just thinking outside the box."
Creativity
"Nobody likes me, and that's just fine."
Solitude
"Success is overrated anyway."
Success
"I could show you how to be sophisticated, but you're hopeless."
Wisdom
"Happiness is just a word to me."
Happiness
"SpongeBob, you're the worst thing that ever happened to me."
Relationships
"I need to find some new friends, preferably ones with jobs and IQs above room temperature."
Friendship
"The secret's in the sauce... and I'm not telling."
"Knowledge is power, but ignorance is bliss, and I'm very blissful."
Knowledge
"I can't believe I wasted my time with you people."
Time
"Beauty is a curse."
Beauty
"I'm not afraid of anything... except SpongeBob."
Fear
"Hard work is overrated."
Work
"My dreams don't involve any of you."
Dreams
"Patience is a virtue I don't possess."
Patience
"Kindness is weakness."
Kindness
"I'm strong enough to handle this alone."
Strength
"Money makes the world go 'round, and right now it's barely spinning."
Money
"I'm in perfect health, aside from my complete lack of will to live."
Health
"Adventure is just another word for disaster."
Adventure
"Imagination is a waste of time."
Imagination
"Technology will never replace real talent... unfortunately."
Technology