Squidward Tentacles

"The only imagination worth having is about leaving Bikini Bottom."

"Technology is ruining everything, including my mood."

"History repeats itself, and it's still boring."

"Philosophy and eight dollars gets you a cup of coffee."

"Literature is dying, much like my spirit."

"Politics: a game for people without taste."

"War between idiots is still just idiots fighting."

"Motivation requires a goal worth achieving."

"Inspiration strikes about as often as I'm happy: never."

"The best relationships are the ones I can end immediately."

"Peace is a myth, unlike my musical talent."

"Nature is a cruel joke, like most things."

"Science explains everything except my suffering."

"Music is life, and life is suffering."

"Faith without results is just delusion."

"Leadership means being responsible for failures. No thanks."

"I work to live, not live to work... ideally."

"My dreams are nightmares with better ratings."

"Humor is the last refuge of the intelligent and miserable."

"Beauty fades, much like my youth."

"Death is life's greatest achievement."

"I persevere because I have no choice."

"Gratitude is for people with pleasant lives."

"Creativity means nothing without an audience that understands."

"Justice is blind because it can't bear to look at this world."

"Patience is the virtue of the trapped and defeated."

"Kindness is a sign of weakness I'll never show."

"I'm strong, just not strong enough to escape."

"Fear keeps me grounded in reality."

"Power is meaningless when you're surrounded by chaos."