Waylon Smithers

"Freedom is the ability to choose which task to complete first."

"Peace comes from a well-organized filing system."

"Art is beautiful, but the Smithers-Burns relationship is the greatest masterpiece."

"Science tells us that dedication increases productivity by 47.3 percent."

"Music is lovely, but the sound of Mr. Burns' voice is sweeter."

"Faith in your employer is the strongest faith of all."

"A true leader commands respect through fear and good benefits."

"Work is not a burden when you love what you do."

"Dreams are wonderful unless they conflict with the schedule."

"Humor is a tool for maintaining workplace morale and hierarchy."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but perfection is in the details."

"Death comes for us all, but not before the quarterly report is due."

"Perseverance means staying at your desk until the job is done."

"Gratitude is best expressed through increased productivity."

"Creativity thrives within the proper organizational framework."

"Justice is served when everyone follows the rules equally."

"Patience is a virtue that makes excellent employees."

"Kindness should always be extended upward in the chain of command."

"Strength comes from dedication to something greater than yourself."

"Fear is a powerful motivator for punctuality."

"Power corrupts, but loyalty protects your job security."

"Money is the root of all achievement and employment."

"Health is important, but not as important as being available."

"Adventure can be found in the most routine of tasks."

"Imagination is useful for anticipating Mr. Burns' needs."

"Technology should serve your superiors, not the other way around."

"History teaches us that loyalty is rewarded with job security."

"Philosophy is interesting, but practice is paramount."

"Literature expands the mind, but organization expands the company."

"Politics are best handled by those at the top of the organization."