Will Rogers

"Telegraph operators have quit because of the noise of the thing."

"You have no idea how hard it is to live down the law of averages."

"We are living during a remarkable time in this world."

"The great American novel has not only already been written, it has already been read."

"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."

"Personally, I haven't got a thing in the world against the working man."

"A business that makes nothing but money is a poor kind of business."

"I want our government to be run by all the people, not just the wealthy."

"You know, everybody's ignorant. It's just on different subjects."

"The problem in this world is that nobody reads the Bible, and everybody reads the newspapers."

"Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?"

"Everybody can make a little money by cashing a bad check, but that's not a permanent business."

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything."

"I got to thinking how people could be benefitted by a little good common sense and kindness."

"Good Lord, give us the strength to change the things we can, patience to accept the things we can't, and the wisdom to know the difference."

"If you want to get rich, you've got to think of saving as well as earning."

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggy' until you can find a rock."

"There is nothing in the world a young fellow couldn't accomplish if he knew he wasn't going to succeed."

"Why don't they pass a law to abolish night? That would help everybody."

"Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth."

"The way to judge a good comedy is whether you laugh at it before you read it."

"A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, 'We don't serve rope here.' The rope goes back outside, messes himself up."

"The man who strikes first in a quarrel is usually right, but he is the first one to go to jail."

"If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time, or the tools, to write."

"There are three kinds of money: Your money, my money, and the government's money."

"The civilizations that last longest are the ones that can laugh at themselves first."

"I never want to be as old as my money."

"This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer."

"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket."

"The more you observe what goes on in the world, the more disgusted you get."