Zoidberg

"Death is just another thing that will probably happen to me."

"In all my years of living, I've realized I don't understand any of it."

"A true friend stabs you in the back without asking questions first."

"Perhaps one day I will find my purpose... or at least a nice meal."

"I've survived this long, so I must be doing something right. Or very, very wrong."

"Money cannot buy love, but it can buy things that make love unnecessary."

"My people have a saying: 'If it's brown, drink it down.'"

"Science has taught me that most things are better with tentacles."

"Is it wrong to love the universe when the universe clearly doesn't love you back?"

"I believe in the power of positive thinking... and also in accepting defeat."

"Why do humans always assume they're smarter than giant alien doctors?"

"Life has taught me that patience is a virtue I do not possess."

"Perhaps the greatest wisdom is knowing when to run away."

"My family would be proud that I've failed so spectacularly."

"In my experience, hope usually leads to disappointment. I hope anyway."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and mine are quite large and lovely."

"I've learned that change is inevitable, and usually it's for the worse."

"Art is my passion, particularly the art of self-preservation."

"Music soothes the savage beast, but I remain unsoothed and unbeastly."

"Faith is believing in something you cannot see... like my dental plan."

"A true leader knows when to follow someone else off a cliff."

"Work is what you do when you'd rather be doing literally anything else."

"My dreams are usually about food. And nightmares about love."

"Humor is simply tragedy plus time, and I have very little of either."

"Nature is beautiful, mysterious, and usually trying to kill you."

"I've pondered the mysteries of the universe and concluded I'm very confused."

"True strength lies in admitting you're terrified and doing it anyway."

"Fear is just an emotion, but mine is a lifestyle."

"Power corrupts, but loneliness corrupts absolutely."

"Money has taught me that poverty builds character better than wealth."