Sesame Street

"Adventure is what I'm actively avoiding."

"Health advice is unsolicited and annoying."

"Money can't buy happiness, which is perfect."

"Work is tolerable in silence."

"Leadership is not yelling at everyone to scram."

"Faith in what? Misery? I've got plenty."

"Music is lovely when played at someone else's house."

"Science explains the world. The world is bad."

"Art expresses feelings. Mine express: go away."

"Nature would be better without people trampling through it."

"Peace is the sound of everyone leaving me alone."

"Freedom means nobody bothering you for a whole day."

"The truth is everyone's annoying."

"Dreams keep you awake at night. No thanks."

"Change is terrible. Status quo is the way."

"Time flies when you're not having fun. Excellent."

"Knowledge would be better if it were optional."

"Education teaches you things that make the world worse."

"Courage is needed to be rude in a polite world."

"Hope springs eternal, unfortunately."

"Family reunions are my personal nightmare."

"Friendship is an overcomplication of being left alone."

"Love at first sight? More like disgust at first sight."

"Success means keeping everyone out of your personal space."

"Why can't everyone be more like me? Grouchy and honest."

"Happiness is a myth invented to torture grouches."

"The only thing better than trash is more trash."

"If you're grouchy enough, you'll naturally be alone."

"Relationships work best when they're nonexistent."

"Inspiration is finding new ways to avoid people."