Sesame Street

"Motivation is something I'm successfully avoiding."

"War is just organized bothering."

"Politics would be better with fewer politicians bothering me."

"Literature is better when nobody discusses it with you."

"Philosophy is just complaining with fancier words."

"History shows that grouches have always been right."

"Technology is another way for people to bother you."

"Adventure is what happens when you can't avoid other people."

"Health is irrelevant when you've got a bad attitude."

"Power is having a sturdy can lock."

"Fear? I fear a world without enough trash."

"Strength comes from resisting everyone's attempts to cheer you up."

"Kindness is a conspiracy to ruin a perfectly good grouchy day."

"Patience is something I don't have, and I'm okay with that."

"Justice is when people finally leave you alone."

"Creativity is best used to create barriers around yourself."

"Gratitude? I'm grateful for less company."

"Perseverance means never giving up on being grouchy."

"Imagination is overrated. Reality is annoying enough."

"Money would be better if it could buy silence."

"Work is tolerable when you work alone in your can."

"Good leadership means keeping everyone at a distance."

"A grouch's faith is in the power of irritation."

"Science explains why the world is annoying."

"Art is great for expressing how much you dislike things."

"Music is nice when it's far away from me."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I behold garbage."

"Dreams are just distractions from being properly grouchy."

"Family? They're the worst kind of people to have around."

"Hope is just disappointment waiting to happen."