The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

"Kindness costs nothing, which is why people give it away so rarely."

"Patience is a virtue I don't possess and never will."

"Justice is nice in theory, but in practice it's just whoever has the best lawyer."

"Creativity is seeing the world through a warped lens and sharing that distorted vision."

"Gratitude is underrated—being thankful for small things keeps you from losing your mind."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with better marketing."

"Death is just life's way of saying 'that's all for you.'"

"Beauty fades, but your terrible personality is forever."

"Humor is the only appropriate response to the absolute chaos of existence."

"Dreams are just thoughts that haven't been crushed by reality yet."

"Work is how we pay for the things we don't have time to enjoy because we're working."

"Leadership means making decisions that will disappoint someone no matter what."

"Faith is believing in something despite all evidence suggesting you're insane."

"Music is the only language that makes sense when nothing else does."

"Science is just explaining things until you wish you didn't understand them."

"Art is how we express the things we can't possibly explain in normal conversation."

"Nature doesn't care about your feelings, and that's kind of admirable."

"Peace is just the period between disasters when everyone's catching their breath."

"Freedom is beautiful until you realize how much responsibility comes with it."

"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you very uncomfortable."

"Time is the one thing we can't buy back, so don't waste it on people who don't deserve it."

"Knowledge is power, but also a terrible burden you can never unlearn."

"Education is important, but it won't save you from being a complete disaster."

"Change is inevitable, like death and taxes, but more annoying."

"Courage isn't the absence of fear; it's doing things despite the constant terror."

"Hope is dangerous—it makes you believe things might actually get better."

"Family is the people you're stuck with, so you might as well make the best of it."

"A true friend is someone who knows all your secrets and still sticks around."

"Success is just failure that hasn't happened yet."

"The key to happiness is lowering your expectations until nothing disappoints you."