Humor Quotes

"Dead parrots make for excellent comedy material"

"Comedy is about finding the absurdity in the ordinary"

"The Spanish Inquisition strikes when you least expect it"

"Timing is everything in comedy, and in life"

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people"

"Humor is pointing out the elephant in the room"

"I don't mean to be rude, but you're a loony."

"A person who can't take a joke is a person who shouldn't make them."

"The universe doesn't care about your feelings, so you might as well laugh."

"Irony is life's way of keeping things interesting."

"Confidence is the feeling that precedes disaster."

"Comedy is tragedy plus time, and sometimes you don't even need the time."

"Laughter is the best way to bridge the gap between people."

"The human condition is terribly amusing when you step back from it."

"The soul of humor lies in recognizing the absurd in the ordinary."

"I've learned that the best comedy comes from the deepest pain."

"Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion."

"I told my psychiatrist I had suicidal tendencies. He said I wasn't paying him enough."

"Silence is golden, but my shoes are squeaking."

"I have the body of an Adonis, but I keep it in the garage."

"You silly twisted boy, you!"

"I'm desperately trying to stay alive, but I keep getting interrupted."

"I don't have an inferiority complex, I have an inferiority certainty."

"I've left my heart in San Francisco, my liver in whisky, and my kidneys in a washing machine."

"If you want to understand me, you have to understand that I'm Irish, and Irish people have terrible memories."

"You can't die if you're already dead inside."

"Laughter is the only way to cope with the insanity of the world."

"I'm writing a book on the history of glue. Don't expect it to be a page-turner."

"My son is now approaching manhood - in another forty-five years."

"The British Empire was built on cups of tea - that's why they invented China."