Wisdom Quotes

"Boredom is the fear of self."

"I've learned that you should never talk to your mother about your father's girlfriend."

"I've learned that you don't have to be sick to get better, and you don't have to be broken to heal."

"I used to think I was indispensable until I spent a week away and they didn't even notice I was gone."

"I've learned that you can't judge a book by its cover, but you can tell a lot by the way it's been read."

"I spent my youth trying to be someone else and my old age trying to be myself."

"I've learned that you shouldn't take advice from people who don't have happy lives."

"I've learned that you can spend your whole life trying to please people and end up pleasing no one."

"The most important thing I've learned is that nobody cares as much about your mistakes as you think they do."

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible"

"The secret to staying young is to lie about your age, drink a lot, and don't think about your problems"

"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old"

"By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything you need to know. Except why"

"Living is like lovemaking. If you do too much thinking, you're gonna mess up"

"You know what they call a perfectionist who gets stuck in analysis? Paralyzed."

"You don't have to have all the answers to ask good questions."

"Comedy is a way of saying things that need to be said without people shutting down."

"The hardest thing about growing up is realizing your parents are just winging it too."

"Comedy isn't about being the smartest person in the room; it's about being the most aware."

"My wife said, 'You're always pushing your luck.' I said, 'That's not luck, that's just common sense.'"

"Wisdom is knowing the difference between what you want and what you need. I want a new wife. I need a vacation from my wife."

"Never place a period where God has placed a comma."

"I have a simple philosophy: fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

"A woman's intuition is her greatest asset if she listens to it."

"My philosophy is that it's none of my business what people say of me and think of me."

"The trouble with most people is that they think with their wishes instead of their brains."

"Never give advice unless asked, and even then, be prepared to be ignored."

"The secret to being a woman is knowing what to say and when not to say it."

"I've learned that you can't please everyone, so just please yourself."