Crowley

"Nothing makes you feel quite so much like a demon as the knowledge that you've been suckered by someone using cheap tricks."

"I'm not a demon. I'm a fallen angel. There's a difference."

"The world didn't need an Apocalypse. It was doing fine destroying itself."

"Even demons deserve a good bookshop."

"The problem with being a demon is that you have to work with demons."

"The nice thing about being a demon is that you're expected to be bad at things."

"The best plans are the ones that no one expects."

"Never trust an angel who can't dance."

"An angel without a sword is just a man in a white robe."

"The best thing about the Apocalypse not happening is that nobody has to go anywhere."

"Whatever you do, don't let them sell you a timeshare."

"The great thing about being a demon is you get to be good at your job without anyone expecting you to enjoy it."

"The trouble with reading old books is that they make you think about the future in all the wrong ways."

"Nothing gold can stay, and nothing evil lasts forever either."

"Time moves differently when you're immortal. It moves, but it doesn't really matter."

"The only thing worse than a bad plan is a good plan that goes wrong."

"Power corrupts, but the lack of it corrupts even faster."

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was making people believe he doesn't exist."

"Adventure is what happens when you ignore all the sensible advice you were given."

"Death is not the end but a punctuation mark in an infinitely long sentence."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Crowley. I'm a demon. I work with angels sometimes"

"I've been on Earth for six thousand years, and I still don't understand humans"

"Ineffable plan doesn't mean we have to like it"

"Principalities and powers could wait for five minutes"

"You wouldn't believe how boring Hell can be sometimes"

"Even demonology has some standards"

"I've saved his life before. Rather good at it, actually"

"Hell can spare me for a while. I need a proper drink first"

"I could really do with some proper rain. Not this nuclear winter stuff"

"Three hundred years I've known him. Can't imagine life without the pompous old fool"