Gilbert Gottfried

"Life's greatest lesson is that nothing matters as much as you think it does."

"Love without laughter is just roommates with legal documents."

"Wisdom is knowing which battles to fight and which to make fun of."

"Happiness is an inside job, but good material helps."

"Success is getting paid for what you'd do anyway."

"Friendship is when someone knows all your flaws and still calls."

"Family teaches you what you're made of, usually to your surprise."

"Hope is the last thing that dies, right after the punchline."

"Courage is doing the thing that scares you most—like telling the truth."

"Change is the only constant, which is either reassuring or terrifying."

"Education should teach you to think, not just to remember."

"Knowledge is power, but knowing how to laugh about it is freedom."

"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."

"Truth is the enemy of comfortable lies."

"Freedom is the responsibility to use it wisely—which is overrated."

"Peace is just a break between conflicts long enough to recharge."

"Nature reminds us that we're smaller and less important than we think."

"Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth."

"Science explains how things work; comedy explains why they're funny."

"Music is what feelings sound like when words aren't enough."

"Faith without doubt is just stubbornness with prayer."

"Leadership is making hard choices look easy in hindsight."

"Work is what you do to avoid thinking about what you're actually doing."

"Dreams are the only place where your failures don't count."

"Beauty fades, but a good joke gets better with age."

"Death is the only guarantee, which makes life oddly precious."

"Perseverance is just failing repeatedly until you succeed."

"Gratitude multiplies what you already have—sometimes."

"Creativity is the intersection of madness and control."

"Justice delayed is justice denied, but justice rushed is just revenge."