Jacqueline White

"Change is inevitable, unfortunately. Hence the facelift."

"Education is what you give people so they'll stop bothering you."

"The more knowledge you have, the more you realize how wrong everyone is."

"Time is the one thing even money can't buy. So I just ignore it."

"Truth is subjective. My truth is objective."

"Freedom is having enough staff that you never have to do anything yourself."

"Inner peace is achieved through medication and meditation. Mostly medication."

"Nature is best appreciated through a museum donation."

"Art is an excellent way to launder money legally."

"Science is fascinating, as long as it improves my appearance."

"Music should be classical and played at someone else's house."

"Faith is believing that your next procedure will be your last one."

"Leadership means never having to apologize for your decisions."

"Work is what gives you money to avoid working."

"Dreams are fine as long as they don't interfere with shopping."

"Humor is a defense mechanism I've perfected over decades."

"Beauty is not about being natural. Natural is for poor people."

"We all pretend death isn't coming. I'm just more honest about it."

"Perseverance is just refusing to admit defeat, ever."

"I'm grateful for my upbringing, my wealth, and my complete lack of self-awareness."

"Creativity is best left to people who can't afford therapy."

"Justice is what the judge's wife whispers to him at dinner."

"Patience is a virtue the help should have."

"Kindness without expectation of return is simply poor financial planning."

"Strength is never showing weakness in public. Or private."

"Fear is for people without connections."

"Power is the ultimate luxury good."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can rent it for the weekend."

"Health is important. So is looking healthy, which is different."

"Adventure is what happens when you take a wrong turn on Fifth Avenue."