"I'm not great at the advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
Humor
"Treat yo' self."
Happiness
"Why would anyone ever eat anything other than breakfast food?"
Humor
"I'm worried what you just heard was, give up. What I said was, give all."
Motivation
"The problem is we stopped being friends 7 years ago."
Friendship
"Everyone is terrible except me."
Humor
"I don't understand what's happening, but I'm confident it's my fault."
Fear
"Sometimes I think our department is cursed."
Work
"I've made some poor life choices."
Life
"That's what she said."
Humor
"I'm equally angry at all of you."
Humor
"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris? Me neither."
Humor
"I need you to take me to the hospital, but I don't want anyone to know about it."
Health
"Everything I do is either sad or pathetic."
Life
"I regret everything."
"I've always been a big fan of myself."
Humor
"Why does everything I do end up a mess?"
Life
"I think I pulled something."
Health
"My wife left me, my kids don't respect me, and I'm a failure."
Family
"I'm an idiot, probably."
Humor
"The key to a great relationship is making things awkward."
Relationships
"I have no idea what I'm doing at any given moment."
Life
"I just want someone to love me."
Love
"This is my fault somehow."
Humor
"I shouldn't have said that."
Wisdom
"Everyone hates me, and I deserve it."
Fear
"Why is everything terrible?"
Philosophy
"I'm going to die alone."
Fear
"This is the worst day of my life, and it's only 10 AM."
Humor
"I've made a huge mistake."
Humor