Jerry Seinfeld

"I love the smell of the New York Times in the morning."

"The older you get, the more you realize that time is all we have."

"I have no problem with anyone who wants to help others. I just think it's not the government's job."

"Somebody's gotta make the effort to keep the relationship going."

"No soup for you!"

"Close talkers are very hard to deal with in conversation."

"Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?"

"The real contest is not between the left and the right, but between the future and the past."

"Double dipping. It's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip."

"Giddy up."

"A fragrance is not a luxury, it's a necessity."

"If you want to know who you are, watch what angers you."

"I can't believe how many people want to touch me."

"The key to any relationship is compromise and understanding."

"Comics are really the most honest people around. We have to be because our whole life is on stage."

"People will do amazing things to get out of awkward situations."

"It's amazing how much you can accomplish when you're not worried about who gets the credit."

"What's the deal with waiting rooms? They're not even that comfortable."

"Being broke in New York is a completely different experience from being broke in Los Angeles."

"The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you."

"That's gold, Jerry! Gold!"

"Make your own pizza. It's so easy. You take the dough, stretch it out, put stuff on it."

"I realized that a human being needs to feel like their life is important and has meaning."

"Why does every superhero wear tights? They're uncomfortable."

"If you're ever at a museum and get bored, just go with someone who hasn't been there before."

"I actually find it harder to write a simple sentence than a complex one."

"These big movie premieres, everyone expects you to behave a certain way."

"I'm aware of my limitations as a person."

"What's with airline food? Why is it so bad?"

"Did you ever notice how some people are like human parking meters?"