Jerry Seinfeld

"Be kind to everyone you meet."

"Perseverance pays off."

"Life is what you make it."

"Enjoy the moment."

"The world needs more laughter."

"I don't understand the concept of renting. You're just paying money to live somewhere, and you never own it."

"Why do they call it a building if it's already built?"

"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty good for an army, right? 'So what does the Swiss army do?' Uh, they yodel."

"Everybody walks around complaining about 'I don't have enough time.' Guess what? You don't. You never will."

"A tip is like a decision you make while being guilted."

"I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm loving every minute of it."

"The key to a good relationship is honesty, communication, and a willingness to accept that your partner will never understand your jokes."

"We're all just trying to get through the day without looking stupid."

"These pretzels are making me thirsty."

"Somebody just gave me a shower curtain. That's a weird gift. But it's really nice. I'm gonna use it for showering, and then I'm gonna use it as a curtain."

"Master of my domain."

"The fabric of society is held together by people doing things they don't want to do."

"Not that there's anything wrong with that."

"Who are these people? Where do they come from? They just appear!"

"I think the key to life is acceptance. Accept what you can't change, change what you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference."

"Giddy up."

"Sometimes the little things in life mean the most."

"Why do we need a whole month for black history? What about the other eleven?"

"A relationship is like a big thing made of small things."

"People don't have time for nuance anymore."

"The parking lot is full of idiots doing stupid things."

"Close talkers make me very uncomfortable."

"It's not a lie if you believe it."

"Double dipping is a cardinal sin."

"I'm very busy. I'm like a one-man operation here."