John Oliver

"Death is the one thing nobody wants to talk about until it's on their doorstep."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness that eventually pays off."

"Gratitude is appreciating what you have before you lose it."

"Creativity is making connections between things that don't belong together."

"Justice is what we call revenge when society agrees with us."

"Patience is a virtue that everyone praises but nobody actually practices."

"Kindness is free, which is why people are so stingy with it."

"Strength isn't about power - it's about not using it when you could."

"Fear is just excitement without the breath control."

"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely - and it's hilarious to watch."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it's a great down payment."

"Health is a state of mind, which is why I'm mentally unfit."

"Adventure is just a polite word for doing things that are probably bad for you."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge, but less marketable."

"Technology is supposed to make our lives easier, which is hilarious."

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it sure as hell rhymes and then laughs at us."

"Philosophy is trying to understand existence without access to the instruction manual."

"Literature is how we argue with dead people."

"War is what happens when politics gets tired of talking."

"Motivation is temporary, like bathing - that's why we recommend it daily."

"Inspiration is a fickle mistress that abandons you right when you need her most."

"Relationships are just two people agreeing to be annoyed by each other forever."

"Solitude is nice until you realize nobody's coming to save you."

"The best part about being wrong is you get to learn something new - which is terrible."

"Wisdom is knowing what you don't know and being okay with it."

"Hope is a dangerous thing - it makes you believe things might get better."

"Democracy is like a cake - it requires constant vigilance and occasionally you have to eat it to understand what's really in it."

"The key to success is finding something you're passionate about and then being willing to look like an idiot while you're learning it."

"Cable news has the editorial standards of a Renaissance fair."

"America's relationship with the truth is complicated, like a marriage that's been going on too long."