John Oliver

"Adventure is what happens when you're lost and too proud to ask for directions."

"Imagination is proof that we're not satisfied with reality."

"Philosophy is the art of being confidently wrong about important things."

"Literature survives because stories matter more than facts."

"War is what happens when diplomacy runs out of patience."

"Motivation is temporary, but discipline is permanent."

"Inspiration strikes when you're already working, not while you're waiting for it."

"Relationships are just deciding whose quirks you can tolerate on a permanent basis."

"Solitude teaches you that you're better company than you thought."

"Health is invisible until you don't have it."

"Peace is harder than war because it requires compromise."

"Nature doesn't care about your plans, which is oddly comforting."

"Leadership is the art of making people do what you want while they think it was their idea."

"Dreams are just ambitions that haven't learned to be practical yet."

"Beauty fades, but stupidity is forever."

"Faith is believing something without proof, which explains why we have so much of it."

"The fact that we have to specify 'net neutrality' means we've already lost half the battle."

"Caring about the environment doesn't make you a tree-hugging hippie, it makes you someone who understands basic math."

"You can't just sprinkle some buzzwords over a terrible idea and call it innovation."

"The problem with comparing yourself to others is that there will always be someone richer, thinner, prettier, and more successful."

"Democracy is like a really awkward family dinner—nobody wants to be there, but it's important that we all show up."

"Sometimes the most patriotic thing you can do is admit your country is being stupid."

"Confidence is just arrogance with good PR."

"The beauty of ignorance is that it's always convinced it's well-informed."

"We spend our lives waiting for permission to do what we actually want to do."

"If you're not angry about something, you're probably not paying attention."

"The problem isn't that we don't know what to do—it's that we don't want to do what we know."

"A good argument requires listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk."

"Hope is not a strategy, but giving up guarantees failure."

"Success doesn't whisper—it tends to be remarkably loud and obnoxious about itself."