Kevin Malone

"We're all just trying to get through the day without dying."

"I don't want to be a tool, but I also don't want to be perceived as weak."

"The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time."

"I'm not afraid of anything. That's my problem."

"You know, my wife and I, we have a very special relationship. I mean, I could probably bench press her."

"I love the smell of the atmosphere."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy pizza. And pizza IS happiness."

"I believe that there is a God. But I don't believe he's a guy."

"I think all paper companies are pretty much the same. We just work hard and try to be nice to people."

"I'm not superstitious. I'm just a little stitious about Toby."

"My ideal woman has a little meat on her bones."

"I would consider myself an excellent driver."

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

"I'm running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good."

"I would rather feel bad than not feel anything at all."

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

"I love the energy drinks. They give me wings."

"I could never imagine my life without the people I work with."

"It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean."

"I'm not a bad guy. I just have bad timing."

"You know, I think people are like ice cream. They come in different flavors."

"I don't think I have time for games. I'm too busy winning."

"The world is a beautiful place if you just let yourself see it."

"I believe in second chances. That's why I have three wives."

"I'm not looking for a soulmate. I'm looking for a soulmate who looks like a supermodel."

"The key to a happy life is low expectations."

"I would die for my family. Except for maybe my kids."

"I think success is measured by how many true friends you have."

"I'm not religious, but I do believe in karma."

"I love the feeling of accomplishment when I finish something, even if it's just a sandwich."