Lutz

"Art is subjective, which is why most of it is garbage."

"Science proves that I'm right about everything."

"Music is the universal language, which is why I don't understand most music."

"Faith is believing in something you can't see, like your chances of success."

"A good leader knows when to take charge and when to blame someone else."

"Work is what you do to avoid thinking about your life."

"Dreams are just reality with better special effects."

"Humor is the best medicine, unless you actually have a disease."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and the beholder is usually drunk."

"Death is the only thing in life that's guaranteed, besides taxes and disappointment."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with a better attitude."

"Gratitude is nice, but cash is better."

"Creativity is just stealing ideas and pretending they're original."

"Justice is whatever benefits me the most."

"Patience is a virtue I simply don't have time for."

"Kindness is great until someone takes advantage of it."

"Strength is half genetics and half not crying in public."

"Fear is just an opportunity to do something stupid."

"Power corrupts, but it's still better than being powerless."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can rent it for a weekend."

"Health is important until you realize you have to exercise for it."

"Adventure is just a word for getting lost with style."

"Imagination is what separates humans from animals. That and opposing thumbs."

"Technology is great until it doesn't work, then it's infuriating."

"History repeats itself because people never learn anything."

"Philosophy is just overthinking things and calling it intelligent."

"Literature is life with better plot structure."

"Politics is the art of lying convincingly."

"War is peace, peace is boring."

"Motivation is temporary, like most friendships."